i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
