In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
