Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
