i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
