we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize