Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
