We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
