i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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