Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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