No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
