I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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