My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
