i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
