If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am one with the molecules
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
