I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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