I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
