Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
