u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
