I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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