i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
