I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
