you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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