i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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