what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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