Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
