HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
