I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
