under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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