Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
