It's Friday. Sex?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
