remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
