Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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