i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
