god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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