I cockslap morals
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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