Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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