I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize