drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
