So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
