Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
