I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
