When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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