i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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