I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
