So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I just put wine in my tea
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
