you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
