lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
