Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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