I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
