i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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