Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
