I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
