Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
