He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
