his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
