Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
