please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
