she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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