You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have tasted many bathrooms
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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