He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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