Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
