I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
