I haven't been this sober since birth.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
