Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will pee on everything he values.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
