I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
