turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
