I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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