Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize