I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
