I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
