I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
