so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
