just survived the first fart of the relationship.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's the barista slut.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize