its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
