you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
