When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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