well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
