I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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