I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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