please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
