i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Semen is not good for contacts.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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