What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize