i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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