I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
