I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
