I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
