yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's the barista slut.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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