just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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