If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
