They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nutella sex= disaster
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
