Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I AM VODKA MAN
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize