The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
