I'm so fucking centered right now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
