I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
